Single Tear
by GRACE5
Summary: It's okay to read he's not dead. lol. D/L Strong Language and content!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"Hey Montana, wait up." Danny called jogging down the hallway to catch up with me. I ignored him, I couldn't deal with him right now, I just couldn't. I knew if I wanted to escape him the only way was to run away. I refused to run, what if I tripped? It wasn't worth the risk to me. I felt him grab my arm and turn me around to face him. "Ease up, I just wanna talk."

"What Danny, what is there to talk about?" I asked him angrily before turning to walk away again, this time he choose to walk beside me. I heard him sigh and I just wanted to slap him, hard. What did he have to sigh about? Yeah Ruben died, yeah Danny was the last one with him, but no it wasn't his fault, but he still went and fucked Ruben's mom, god knows how long that had been going on.

"Us, Lindsay, you and me." He practically cried. God he sounded so pathetic and lost. It's his own damn fault. Does he know how much he hurt me? Does he care, can't he tell that I don't want to be near him right now, that I can't even stand to breathe the same air he is right now.

"Danny, there is no us, there never was, I get that. Okay so just let it go." I said calmly and coldly as I continued to walk and he just stood there. I pressed the down button and waited for the elevator, when it dinged announcing its presence I stepped in and rolled my eyes watching Danny run to enter before the doors closed. Damnit he made it, damn him for his speed.

"What? What do you mean there never was?" He continued as I just stood there and watch the numbers change as we descended down the floor, I felt like this elevator was heading straight to hell. "Linds?"

"What Danny, what do you want me to say? That I forgive you? Fuck no I don't. Come'on tell me the truth Rikki's lived down the hall from you for how long and you expect me to believe that the other night was the only time? You really think I'm that stupid?" I yelled at him, if he wanted a fight well then he was gonna get a brawl.

"It was that day was the only time, in all the years they lived there, it was the only time, okay? I swear." He pleaded desperately trying hold my gaze, but I refused.

"No, it's not okay." I said stepping out of the elevator and towards my car, which of course wasn't there; I took the subway to work today. I groaned and turned to head back towards the elevator, running smack into Danny. Bastard he knew I took the subway.

'Let me take you home." He pleaded the slightest grin on his face.

"Danny quit it." I said moving myself outside his personal space.

"Montana, just tonight, I swear." He said pulling me back in front of him. "Let me take you home tonight."

"You're willing to drive all the way back to Montana?" I asked turning away from him to the passenger side of his SUV. Before sitting down I turned back and looked at him. His head hung and his shoulders sagged in defeat. God was he broken, tomorrow will be different, tonight I want him to hurt as much as I do. "Danny?"

"Yeah, I' m comin'." He said lifting his head up to lock eyes with me, then headed towards the drivers side.

"Did you use condoms?" I asked out of nowhere. I had to know, I was on the pill, and we never once used a condom, we talked about it before we even actually had sex, he told me he'd never not worn a condom, his mother just about scared the shit out of him when he was 12 telling him 'if you don't use a condom you better be prepared to get married and live in the suburbs.' I wasn't going to marry his cheating ass, anyway. I have to admit the look on his face was priceless, this was the last thing he wanted to talk about, so we were going to talk about it.

"Yes." He choked out keeping his eyes peeled on the road. I laid my head back against the headrest and continued to question him.

"Was she better than me? Tighter than me? Did she make you cum harder than me?" I continued to ask, leaning over to whisper in his ear. "Did a single tear roll down your cheek when you came into her for the first time, like that night on the pool table?" I could feel how anger started to rise in his body, and placed a kiss next to his ear.

"Lindsay." He warned me pulling into my building. Shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

"You wanted to talk Danny, if you want there to be an us, I need to know these details, so the next time you're on top of me at least I know you're thinking of her. When you cum into me, you're wishing it was her." Tomorrow I know I'll hate my self for doing this to him, breaking him into even smaller pieces, but I can't help it, he broke me and I can't help but want to break him, even if there's nothing left to break. I exit the car with one final look at him; his arms crossed over the steering wheel his head resting on his forearm. No longer broken, he was shattered.

I walk towards my building refusing to look back when I hear the car shut off or the door slam shut. I can feel his eyes watching me; I can practically hear his brain thinking of the right words to say. Are there any right words? He catches up to me in the elevator, but doesn't say anything just stands dangerously close behind me, I can feel his breath on my neck. I exit the elevator and head towards my apartment, stopping in front of the door to unlock it. I throw my keys on the table near the door, and head towards my room, knowing he'll follow me because he's afraid. He's afraid or he knows that if something big doesn't happen tonight, that this will be it, forever.

"Montana." He whispers as I remove my shirt to change into my pajamas and head into the bathroom. "I didn't even cum in her, the first time. I wasn't drunk but I was buzzed, but she when she came there was a small smile on her face. That was the first time I'd seen her smile since Ruben died."

"Dan, that doesn't make it better." I tell him walking out to stand in front of him, in only my jeans and bra.

"I know it doesn't, trust me I fuckin' know it doesn't make it better." He said as he looked up at me from his place on the edge of my bed. "But you're acting like I just straight up went out and had sex with another women. It wasn't like that. I swear to you Montana, if I could do it over again, wouldn't of had sex with her." I raised my eyebrows at him, what the fuck? He wouldn't of fucked her but another women? He must of read my mind because he quickly recovered. "NO, I wouldn't of had sex at all, except with you. Cause you were mine."

"Danny, just answer my questions from earlier. " I begged I don't know what was wrong with me but I needed to know. I just couldn't deal with knowing she was better in bed then me, well he did already say he couldn't get his nut.

"Lindsay, you know the answer." He said standing in front of me, so close in fact, that my breasts slightly grazed his chest.

"Say it." I pleaded, tomorrow I would seek out a shirk, because something was defiantly wrong with me, I was allowing Danny back into my heart and I had this obsession with knowing I was his best lay, ever.

"No one has made me cum harder or been tighter than you. You know you're the only one I've ever truly been with, that's why I had to get my pool table re-felted." He whispered leaning his forehead against mine. "And I sure as hell have never cried after being with a woman, ever. Montana and you know all of that. You know why."

"Danny, I don't know if I can trust you right away." I said looking up at him, pressing a kiss to each of his closed eyes.

"It's okay, just knowing that you'll try is enough." He whispered risking a kiss on the lips. Something was most defiantly wrong with me; I broke him now I'm going to heal him. Damn him, damn me for loving him.

"There's something you should know Danny." I said against his lips as he risked another kiss.

"What?" he asked placing a stray hair behind my ear. God I'm in trouble.

"You got me pregnant, the night before Ruben died." I watched as a smile graced his lips and a single tear rolled down his cheek.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"I don't like you Messer." I told my husband, yeah I ended up marrying his dumb, cheating ass, but we had moved on from that, we decided or well I decided to forgive him, because I knew somewhere deep down in my heart that had it not been for those circumstances he would of never forgotten my birthday or slept with another woman. Yeah it still hurts, but time has healed us. "No, I change my mind, I fuckin' hate you Messer."

"I know you do baby." He smiled as he kissed my hand, which was slowly crushing his. He was so excited he didn't even feel that his bones were about to break. I removed my eyes from him and screamed, I did what the doctor told me to and pushed as hard as I could. I wanted this baby out of me, I wanted to hold him, nurse him, gaze at him and pick what was Danny's and what was mine, but altogether it was ours. "I love you." He whispered against my sweaty forehead before kissing it gently.

Time seemed to stop when the shrill cry came from between my legs. I let out a relieved sigh and laid myself back against my pillow and cried as they rested my baby on my stomach, which previously house him, I turned and looked at Danny whose gaze was focused on our son, and only our son. I couldn't help it; I broke down into tears as they suctioned the baby's nose and mouth. I could never remember being this happy. To tell you the truth, when I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified of this moment, the moment my baby would enter the world. I had always thought that Danny would be nowhere to be found, that, god I don't even know what I was thinking.

"Sir, would you like to cut the cord?" the doctor asked him, smiling sweetly as the baby continued to cry and shiver.

"Yeah." Danny said excitedly as he took the scissors from the doctor and cut our son's umbilical cord, allowing the nurse's to take him and wrap him in a blanket. "Montana." He whispered against my forehead before kissing my gently on the lips.

"Danny." I responded tiredly pulling him back down for a real kiss.

"You did it baby." He smiled as we both turned to look at the nurse with our son in her arms, hidden in the blue blanket.

"Who wants him first? Mommy or Daddy?" she asked sweetly looking between us. I smiled and nodded towards Danny, who was practically shaking from excitement.

"Go ahead daddy." I said squeezing his hand and smiling at him.

I watched as Danny sat on the edge of my bed and waited for the blue blanket to be placed in his arms. It was an awkward transition from the nurse to Danny as the baby began to cry again. Danny thanked the nurse then turned to look at me. I've never seen him smile like this before. God, I'm gonna cry again, I just can't help it.

"Look Montana, look what we did." He whispered to me as he returned his gaze back to our son. He placed a gentle kiss on the baby's forehead and smiled when he yawned.

"I know Dan, isn't he perfect?" I asked leaning my head on his shoulder gazing down at our little boy, his newborn blue eyes disappearing behind his eyelids.

"Yeah." Danny agreed as he brought the baby closer to him and leaned his head down, rubbing his nose gently against our son's, a single tear rolling down his cheek as soon as their noses touched and our little boy's eyes looked straight into his father's for the first time. "I love you." I don't know who exactly he was talking to, but I knew he loved us both.

"We never picked a name." I informed him as I ran my finger down the baby's rosy cheeks. I watched as the baby starting to make the suction motion with his mouth and arranged myself so I could nurse him properly. Danny gently placed the baby in my arms and I lifted up my shirt exposing my breast and gently bringing the baby to it. He immediately latched on and started to suck. I have to admit it wasn't the most pleasant feeling, but the emotions in stirred in me; I couldn't control myself and started to cry again.

"I almost lost this." Danny whispered resting his forehead against my temple as he stroked the top of our son's head and watched him nurse. I didn't know how to respond, he very well could've lost us. So I just moved my head and kissed his forehead.

"But you didn't, we're right here Dan." I whispered as I moved the baby so I could burp him. We needed to pick a name, because I'm starting to get sick of calling him the baby.

"I'm sorry." He said as he watched, smiling when he heard the baby start to cry again.

"It's over now Danny. Let's work on a name for him." I said settling the baby back against my breast, I've never felt this close or important to anyone in my whole life, but watching my son nurse off me, I couldn't even explain it. I smiled and placed a gentle kiss to my son's head when he locked eyes with me. This little boy, he was mine, I finally met him, and he's mine and Danny's, and I've never been happy to call something mine in my entire life. This, he is the most precious thing.

"You still want Daniel as the first name?" he asked me running his finger over the baby's ear.

"Or the middle, defiantly one or the other." I said before burping the baby again, slightly humming trying to lull him to sleep.

"Nolan or Rocco?" that's what it came down to, Irish or Italian. Danny lives and breathes Italian; most of his whole family still speaks it. So the choice was simple. The little boy in my arms, his name would be Rocco Daniel Messer.

"Rocco, defiantly." I said both of our gazes settled on the sleeping baby, his nose scrunched up slightly.

"Rocco Daniel." He said as he slightly stroked Rocco's cheek careful not to wake him. "I like it."

"Good." I whispered as Danny took Rocco and gently set him in the bassinet before crawling back in the bed beside me and joining me in my peaceful slumber.

3 Years Later

"Roc, man come on lets go we're gonna be late." I heard Danny call down the hall towards our son's room. I was so excited, I almost blurted it out quite a few times, but I decided I was going to save it for his birthday next week.

"Coming daddy." I heard the sweet voice reply as Rocco appeared in the hallway, Red Sox cap on his head and glove in his hand. I couldn't help but smile as Danny narrowed his eyes jokingly at the little boy. "Ready."

"Yeah? Nice hat, traitor." Danny said as he scooped Rocco into his arms and tickled him. I loved the sound of Rocco's laugh, it was so sweet and innocent, and made me smile every time.

"Daddy, daddy, stop." The little boy cried in between breaths. Danny stopped and held the little boy close to his chest. "Love you." Danny said fixing the baseball cap on his son's head. "Even if you are a Red Sox fan."

"I love you too Daddy." He beamed as Danny set him down on the ground to get his shoes.

"Okay Montana we're outta here." He said before leaning down to place a chaste kiss on my lips. I smirked and pulled him back down for a real kiss, our tongues dueling as I snuck my hands underneath his shirt, resting them just above his waistband. "Hm…when I get home, we'll finish, I promise." He said kissing me again before taking Rocco's hand and leading him to the door. "Love you Montana."

"Love you Mommy." Rocco soon followed smiling at me and waving goodbye.

"Love you both." I said watching from my seat on the couch as they left. I lay down with all the intentions of a nap, and that's exactly what I did.

"Mrs. Messer? Are you in there?" I heard a voice ask on the other side of the door.

"Hold on." I said getting myself off the couch, placing my hand on my stomach trying to prevent myself from throwing up. "Yes?" I asked opening the door to an officer I didn't recognize.

"Mrs. Messer?" he asked and I nodded. "There's been an accident, your son's fine but…" he stammered off refusing to look me in the eye.

"But what? Where's Danny? What happened to Rocco and Danny?" I begged tears pricking my eyes and my stomach churning.

"Rocco's fine, your husband didn't make it." He told me, I couldn't do anything but collapse against the door and allow myself to throw up from grief and morning sickness. Damn Danny Messer and I couldn't do anything but let the tears fall.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Rocco Daniel, go get ready for bed, this is your final warning." I warned my son as I set an empty wine glass on the counter and headed into the living room where Rocco was playing with his army men.

"But mom, it's only eight, my friend Kyle his mom lets him stay up 'till ten." He told me as I moved to stand next to him.

"Your friend Kyle is eight, you're five." I told the little boy helping him clean up his mess.

"Almost six." He corrected me as he looked up at me with his deep brown eyes, silently pleading.

"Almost six." I agreed as I took the now full bucket and placed it with his other toys. God, my little boy was almost six. It has almost been three years since Danny had died. "Come on bub, lets go to bed."

"But mom." He complained dragging his feet as I walked with him towards the bathroom.

"Not tonight Rocco, tomorrow's Friday, you can stay up as late as you want." I told messing with his hair as he entered the bathroom. I knew he couldn't make it past ten at best. I smiled as the Messer grin broke out on his face and he started to brush his teeth.

"Goodnight Mommy." I heard him say as I placed a kiss to his forehead. I smiled as he yawned and turned to lie on his stomach, they way he slept since he was a baby.

"Goodnight Rocco." I said catching a glance of the picture of Danny and I on his nightstand. I loved that picture and had given it to Rocco when I found him staring at it several times in my room. "I love you." I said and exited the room and headed into the bedroom next to his.

I headed over to the crib where mine and Danny's youngest son slept peacefully. His ears had been bothering him, and I knew when both Danny and Rocco were babies they were both prone to ear infections. I gave a weak smile and stroked the little boy's brown hair. He was the opposite of Rocco, his eyes were the same shining blue as Danny's, his hair was the color brown as mine, but most of his physical traits were that of Danny's. That and he was miserable when he was sick, just like his father. He was still asleep so I left before I woke him, he had always been difficult to get to go to sleep.

I poured myself a glass of wine and headed into the living room. The pictures on the mantel caught my attention. I smiled as I stood there and stared at them, getting lost in each of the memories. I felt a strong pair of arms wrap around my waist and couldn't help but smile. I was slowly but surely going crazy. I felt the arms wrap tighter and a nose nuzzled my neck and I gasped. It felt like Danny and smelt like Danny. I sighed and shook my head. This couldn't be happening; I took another sip of wine. It feels so real.

"Montana." It was barely a whisper but I felt my jaw hit the floor and all the air vanish from my lungs. I haven't heard that voice or nickname in what felt like forever. "It's real."

I screamed and I screamed loud before dropping my glass and turning around. Once my eyes landed on him, still the same but older and worn out looking. I screamed again.

"Daddy!" I heard Rocco squeal as he ran towards the man standing in front of him. I watched as he lifted my son into his arms and cuddled him tightly, whispering in his ear.

"Danny?" I whispered choking on my words; I was surprised that I hadn't heard the baby cry yet.

"Daddy, I thought it was a secret." I heard Rocco say as he gazed into his father's eyes.

"Not any more, it's over." I heard him tell our child as he kissed his forehead then set him back on the ground.

"You can meet Brendan." Rocco told grabbing at his hand trying to drag him towards where Brendan slept.

"What is that like the dog or somen?" Danny asked looking at me concerned. I still couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that Danny was alive, how am I going to explain Brendan to Danny?

"No Daddy." Rocco giggled letting go of Danny's hand.

"Rocco, can you give Mommy and me a minute please?" I heard Danny ask the five year old as he stepped closer to me. He took my face in his hands and slightly stroked my cheek with his thumb, he then brought his lips to mine in a gentle kiss, that, like always took my breath away and I couldn't help but sob.

"Danny." I whispered as he pulled away and dropped his hands. I brought my hand to his face and traced the outline of his face, my eyes never leaving his.

"Baby, who's Brendan?" he asked his voice full of emotion as he placed another gentle kiss to my lips.

"Our son." I whispered against his lips as my forehead rested against his. I kissed him again, this time he allowed me entrance into his mouth and our tongues dueled for dominance.

"Rocco." Danny murmured as we pulled away to breathe. I smiled, he wasn't grasping the idea that he had gotten me pregnant before he 'died'.

"It was a birthday present, but you died." I cried and allowed him to wipe the tears from my cheeks.

"Mommy, Brendan's up." I heard Rocco say as he entered the living room.

"Okay baby." I said taking Danny's hand and lead him towards his youngest son's room. I stopped in front of the closed door and turned to Danny. I kissed him one more time before wiping the single tear from his eye. "Why Danny? They said you died, drunk driver, but Rocco didn't have a scratch on him."

"Witness protection." He told me looking over my shoulder at the closed door where whimpering was coming from. "Tanglewood, it's all over, they're all in jail. Baby I'm sorry, I didn't even know, they made me. I saw Rocco a couple of times over the years at school, but I knew if I saw you I wouldn't be able to leave. I love you. I'm sorry."

"You died." I cried into his shoulder wrapping my arms around his neck and hugged him tight. He wrapped his arms back around my waist and held me tight against him, whispering sweet nothings in my ear. "I love you so much. I miss you so much."

"I know baby, I know." He said pulling away from me and motioning his head towards the door. "Brendan?"

"He's two, your eyes, my hair. He's shy and cuddly." I told him as I opened the door and we both headed towards the crib where the little boy stood against the railing.

"Mommy." He cried reaching his arms out to me as both Danny and I stood in front of him. I watched as Danny moved to pick him up and couldn't help but smile. Brendan went to him willingly but his eyes still focused on me.

"Daddy." Rocco said as he entered the room. "Are you leaving again?"

"No," Danny said turning to the five year old who was standing in the doorway. Brendan settled himself in Danny's arms resting his head against Danny's shoulder and tugged at his ear. "Never again." Danny said rubbing his hand up and down Brendan's back, lulling him back to sleep.

"Don't pull." I whispered to Brendan kissing his temple and gently removing his hand. He just looked at me and yawned. "Go to sleep baby, everything's gonna be okay." I whispered in the little boy's ear and watched his blue eyes search mine, then I watched them disappear behind his eye lids. I rested my head on the side of Danny's shoulder next to Brendan and turned to look at Rocco who was still talking to Danny.

"Go get ready for bed Roc, I'll be in in a minute." I heard him say as Rocco walked away towards his room and Danny turned towards me. "How 'bout that Montana." He smirked at me and then moved Brendan away from his body kissed his nose and laid him back down in his bed.

"You just wait Messer, bedtime is the most difficult time of the day." I said, tonight I decided that I wasn't going to be mad at him, I'll save that for tomorrow. I smiled and kissed him as we stood in front of Rocco's door. "I'll be in the bedroom."

"I told you we'd finish when I got home." He smirked pinching my butt as I walked away. "Goodnight Roc." He whispered leaning down and kissing his son who was already asleep.


End file.
